Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
