what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
