Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
