im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
