I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
