But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
