I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
