I am puke
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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