I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
tell me about the fingering
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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