My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
