We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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