You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
