it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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