But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
