Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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