i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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