I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
