I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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