distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
