Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
