you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
