the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
