Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
