last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
