Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
