I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
