3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
