I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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