Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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