Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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