So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
