i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
