hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
