i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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