I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
