When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
