So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
