Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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