it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
