The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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