He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
