Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
