God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
