so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
