You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
