Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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