Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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