just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Never joke about your clitoris.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
