Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
