I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
