I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
